Freeloading 20-year-old college student still expects a ride from her 19-year-old cousin even though they go to a different school: '[It's] a 10-15 min detour depending on traffic'

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Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
May 23, 2025 6:00 PM EDT

It's great to go out of your way to do things for others. I'd argue it's even an often-overlooked societal obligation to look out for other people. But when going out of your way becomes a base-level expectation, even a demand, rather than something that's appreciated and willingly given. This begs the question of how far and for how long you should be willing to go for other people and—well… how long is a piece of string?

When this 20-year-old college student found out that her 19-year-old cousin drives to her university classes rather than taking public transport or other means, she probably started thinking about how unfair it was that she didn't have her own way of driving to classes. So, of course, she probably told her mother (the other girl's aunt), who began demanding that the younger girl drive her to her classes.

Outside of the fact that they don't even go to the same school, there are a myriad of reasons why this wouldn't work out. Colleges don't really tend to have a start and end time, and it's really just what your schedule is for that given quarter that determines when you go to class and when you leave. But that didn't stop the extended family from getting involved when the younger girl refused to drive her cousin, throwing around accusations of selfishness and spoiledness. 

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    "AITA for refusing to give my cousin a ride to her uni every morning even though i pass by it?"

    so i (19f) recently started driving to my own uni in clifton. my cousin (20f) goes to a different uni but it's kinda on the way. not exactly on the route but like a 10-15 min detour depending on traffic. she found out i drive and now her mom is asking if i can pick her up every morning so she doesn't have to take a careem or bus. thing is, i already wake up super early to avoid traffic and her timings are slightly later than mine. if i agree, i'd have to leave later, deal with. more traffic, and
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    i said no, politely. told her it messes with my routine and i'm already stressed with my own stuff. now my whole extended family's acting like i'm being selfish and spoiled just cuz i have a car. my mom's neutral about it but keeps saying "it would've been nice of you" i get that transport in my city s ks, and she probably just wants to avoid long bus rides, but like... it's not my job?? AITA for not wanting to do this favor every day?
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    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a hole: I refused to give my cousin a daily ride to her university even though it is slightly on my way. I might be the a hole because she has no other easy transport option and now her mom and my family think I am being selfish for not helping her out when I have the means to. I get that it would make her life easier, and maybe I am over-prioritizing my own convenience.
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    . GenxBaby2 • 13h ago NTA If she would agree to go in early and compensate you for gas and your time it may make it worth your while. But family deals can be difficult what happens if she - starts being habitually late to your pick ups? Bottom line is it is your choice, not your aunt's or your cousin's choice
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    Ambroisie_Cy 12h ago NTA But why do you have to leave later? Was it part of the request or is it what you think they are expecting of you? I just want to know if you are creating a bigger problem thinking they have more expectations than they really have or if they do really expect you to remake your schedule arccording to theirs?
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    Not that you should feel obligated to give car rides to your cousin! It's just that if the only issue you have is the schedule thing, then have you told your cousin that you are leaving the house at a certain time and if she wants a ride, she needs to be ready at that specific time? Edit: Have they also offered gas money? That's another thing that should be discussed if you agree.
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    _ newfriend836639 · 13h ago NTA. That's a lot to ask of you. Not only your time, but your money (gas, and wear and tear on the car.) While it is certainly more convenient for her, that convenience is at the expense of YOUR convenience.
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    Shewhomust77 12h ago • She would have to confirm to your timing, and maybe get dropped off near her uni but not going out of your way. I had a work colleague who drove me to near home most days, and believe me it made a huge difference. Maybe set some boundaries and do what you can
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    No-Art6451 • 13h ago NTA, but maybe you could offer to take her one or two days a week and ONLY on your schedule? She can hop in the car when you leave, or take the bus. If she isn't ready when you come to pick her up, give her one or two strikes, and then say you are sorry it isn't working for her schedule. Definitely do not be late to do her a favour.
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    Libba_Loo 12h ago NTA. The only way you should accept such an arrangement is if her timings agreed with yours (or she was willing to adjust) and she was reimbursing you for your gas. Neither seems to be the case here, so that would be a hard "no" from me.
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family dynamics family drama university students carpool family feud family cousins college student
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